How to Prepare for Your Divorce Consultation

couple in a divorce consultation

The start of a divorce is often a highly emotional time. You may have a lot of anxiety about meeting your lawyer for the first time. Here are some tips about how to prepare for your divorce consultation, and what to bring when you meet your attorney.

How to Prepare for a Divorce Consultation, Emotionally

Divorce can be an emotionally traumatic experience. Often a divorce consultation is the first contact that you may have with an attorney of any kind. On top of the stress of the divorce itself, the newness of it all, no matter how long the marriage has been in trouble, can make visiting a law firm difficult. It is a good idea to prepare emotionally before walking into the lawyer’s office. This could include speaking to your therapist or getting support from loved ones. Some people choose to bring a friend or family member with them to their first appointment. While this is okay, it is not ideal. First, the attorney-client privilege that keeps the content of the conference confidential, does not apply when a third party is present. Second, you may be reluctant to be as open and candid with your attorney as you would otherwise be. Third, the person you bring along may interrupt your own train of thought and make it difficult for you to get your questions answered. If you are concerned about forgetting information during a consultation, plan to take notes, and ask the attorney to repeat information or pause while you write down what you hear.

You should also schedule your divorce consultation at a time when you do not have outside stresses – like work or child-related appointments you have to keep. Try to set aside time after your appointment, (1) in case the meeting runs long, and (2) so you can process any emotions that the meeting brings up.

What to Send an Attorney Before the Initial Divorce Consultation

Every law firm has different processes for what happens before the initial divorce consultations. However, many firms will invite you to complete an intake form and send along certain documents ahead of time. For example, you can send your attorney key dates in a chronology, including the:

  • Date of marriage
  • Birthdates of children
  • Purchase dates for key property, such as homes, businesses, and investment accounts
  • Date of separation or moving out
  • Other key events in the family history (deaths, inheritances, gifts, etc)

If you aren’t sure about what to include, you can talk to the law firm’s staff and they can help you prepare for the initial divorce consultation.

What to Bring to an Initial Divorce Consultation

The way you prepare for your initial divorce consultation can set the tone – and to an extent, the cost – of your litigation. This starts with knowing what to bring to an initial divorce consultation, and what can be focused on later. You should bring copies of your:

  • Last tax return
  • Last 3 paystubs (for both spouses, if possible)
  • Retirement account statements (including 401(k), IRA, and pension accounts)
  • Mortgage statement with current balance
  • Zillow house value (as a starting point for determining market value, though a formal assessment may still be necessary)
  • Credit card and loan statements
  • Statements for other significant assets such as brokerage accounts

You do not need to worry about documenting all your personal property before or at the initial consultation. Most often, personal property distribution can be worked out between the parties, sometimes with the help of their attorneys or a mediator or arbitrator, without taking the issue to trial.

It is also important to remember the role of your divorce attorney is not to serve as your therapist. Sure, attorneys are also “counselors at law,” but their counseling role and capacity is extremely limited compared to a licensed therapist who can best help you figure out good ways to take care of your mental health during the difficult time of divorce. While the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage, and your spouse’s behavior as a parent are relevant in a Michigan divorce, your lawyer does not necessarily need to hear years and years’ worth of detailed descriptions of the other person’s conduct in the initial consultation. Your story can be developed more later as litigation continues. The exception is events of domestic violence. You should always share this information with your attorney during the initial consultation.

In general, take your cues from the lawyer as to whether you are wisely using your consultation time with the information you wish to share. The lawyer will generally ask follow-up questions aimed at clarifying legal standards, tests and factors. Allow them the leeway to do so.

Tips for Making the Most of a Divorce Consultation

Unfortunately many people walk into their initial divorce consultation like they would an interview. It is an interview of sorts, but the qualifications go two ways. You need to find a divorce lawyer that suits your needs and priorities, and your attorney needs to believe they can help you achieve your goals. This means you are both the interviewer and interviewee during the meeting.

The divorce consultation is your time to get specific advice about your situation. It is your opportunity to ask questions about the divorce process, the attorney’s expectations of you, and to an extent, what outcomes you can expect to achieve assuming the information you provide is accurate. It is more than wise to make a list of questions ahead of time so you can get them all answered without forgetting anything. Prioritize your most urgent and critical questions, especially those that affect your life while the divorce process is ongoing – such as temporary support, use of the marital home, or interim parenting time.

You should also be prepared to have a conversation about costs. Part of the initial divorce consultation is entering into a retainer agreement with the lawyer of your choosing. You should know what you can afford to pay right now, and have ideas about where additional funds could come from. While Michigan divorce courts are allowed to order one party to pay the other party’s attorney fees, you should not rely on this as your sole source of funds for your case. During your initial consultation, talk to your attorney about:

  • How much money they will want up front (the Retainer)
  • When will the Retainer need to be replenished
  • How you will be billed (hourly, flat fees, or in phases)
  • What increments does the attorney bill by (minimum of 5, 10, 15 minutes)
  • When you will receive invoices (monthly, quarterly, or in phases)
  • What you will see on the invoices
  • Whether installment payments or automatic credit card payments are options
  • How quickly invoices must be paid
  • What interest will incur on unpaid invoices
  • Whether your attorney uses liens or collections to get their bills paid

While no attorney can precisely predict the cost of a divorce largely because the level of conflict is only speculative until your spouse retains counsel and the case starts to move along, unless charging a flat fee, you should not be blindsided by attorney fees. You can avoid this by receiving regular, detailed bills explaining what your lawyer has been spending time on and how much that is costing you. People often realize after receiving their first bill that they are their own worst enemy when it comes to the cost of their divorce. It is imperative you communicate regularly with your attorney, especially if they are asking you for information (you will unnecessarily pay a lot if your attorney has to chase you down for information in more than one request). But re-read your e-mails before you send them to be sure they are clear, succinct, and ask pointed questions, and avoid unnecessarily running up your own bill.

At NSSSB, we want you to make the most of your initial divorce consultation. We invite you to ask us questions so you understand our team and our approach before you hire us to handle your divorce. Click here to schedule a consultation with an attorney. We will listen to the details of your situation, answer your questions, and help you decide if we are the right fit for your case.