Forward Thinking Family Law Since 1994

The Higher the Conflict; the Greater the Attorney Fees

It is common to feel a lot of anger towards your spouse/ex-spouse/partner as the relationship breaks up.  It is hoped that as you can visualize your future without that person as a more positive situation, that the anger will dissipate.  Many lawyers recommend that you talk with your therapist about these feelings.

For some people, they let go of the anger relatively soon and focus on their future.  For others, they hold on to the anger for a variety of reasons.

They feel betrayed by their partner/spouse and cannot get over the feeling that they deserved to be treated better.  This often happens when one spouse/partner becomes intimate with someone outside the marriage/ relationship.

They feel rejected for no good reason.  For example, a client related to me that he had become sober, while his wife continued to drink excessively.  She left him after he became sober.  He felt that he had done the "right thing" becoming sober and should not be punished for this.

They feel humiliated for having been left.  This often happens in small towns that are located in conservative communities.

They feel helpless. They have always relied on others to support them, including their spouse/partner.

Therapists will tell you that often divorce or separation raises unresolved feelings left from childhood; rejection, betrayal, fear.  To help over come these feelings, it's essential that you work with a therapist during the divorce because often it is not clear why you are feeling such rage and cannot let go of it.

Why is it important to let it go?

You are living in the past.  The source of the anger/rage comes from your history with your spouse/partner.  It keeps you from moving forward, which is essential for a successful future.

Anger gets in the way of effective parenting.  While you and your spouse/partner are busy engaging in battles with each other, your children are not getting the guidance and care they need.  It also allows them to manipulate you against each other.

Anger get in the way of effective decision-making.  While you are busy plotting ways to get revenge, you are making short-term decisions; not looking at the bigger picture.

Anger creates more work for your attorneys.  The only winners are the attorneys who collect more from your estate.

Success is the best revenge.  Find an effective way to pass beyond the anger.  Try to connect with a good therapist early in the case.  Therapy will allow you to grieve the relationship, get beyond anger (part of the grieving process), look at the big picture and move forward.  In the process, you will save a whole lot of attorney fees and have a more solid foundation to move forward.