Frequently, I meet clients who MUST be in control of their work environment and their home. They find divorce extremely distressing because they lose a good measure of control during this process.
Once your spouse indicates that he/she cannot stay in the marriage, you have lost a lot of control. The law has rules for this process, which take over. Examples of this are:
If control took the form of physical restraint or extreme verbal put threats or keeping track of the partner or spouse, there are rules against this. If there was physical restraint or pushing, hitting, punching, threats to hurt your spouse or actual tracking devices, the perpetrator might find him/herself removed from the home, but still liable for the expenses of the home.
If the control took the form of controlling the money and the access to credit, the court may enter a restraining order against the party who controls the money and giving more control/money to the other spouse/partner.
Courts prefer having the parties separate as soon as possible to avoid future violence or conflict. Having one spouse out of the home means much less control of what happens in the home. It also restricts access to your spouse/partner and to your children. If your children witnessed the violence or controlling behavior, they may side with your spouse or partner and avoid seeing you. The courts can determine the times that you see your children and the amount of money that you share with your spouse/ partner.
Divorce or separation marks a serious decline in the level of control that you exert in your household. So, if your spouse/partner tells you that you are a very controlling individual, you should pay attention. Failure to do so, or deflecting the criticism to stating it is your spouse/partner who is truly exerting control, can result in THE SYSTEM taking over. That will result in a serious loss of control to both parties.