7 Common Mistakes Made During a Divorce

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Divorce is seldom easy. Still, spouses and parents often make certain common mistakes during a divorce that increase conflict between the parties, make the divorce process more expensive, and even hurt their children. Here are several mistakes to avoid if you are getting ready to file for divorce.

Waiting Too Long to File may be the Biggest Mistake in a Divorce

The biggest mistake people make sometimes occurs before the divorce starts. Couples often stay married long after they both know the marriage cannot be saved. They may decide to “stay together for the children” or because they are holding out hope that the other person will change. However, perpetuating a high-conflict environment (which includes a “cold war” situation where there is silent tension) causes children and their parents to suffer. Being exposed to arguments, and sometimes even physical fights, can make the divorce process far more traumatic than it needs to be. For example, spouses may be unwilling or unable to safely meet in the same room or even virtual room to mediate a resolution because of the trauma they suffered during the marriage.

Waiting too long to file can also hurt the higher wage earner’s chances of avoiding spousal support (formerly called alimony). The age of the parties and the length of the marriage are two factors Michigan courts consider when awarding spousal support. The longer the couple stays together, the more likely it is for the higher wage earner will be ordered to pay spousal support, and more of it.

None of this is to say you should race to the courthouse the minute your marriage seems like it is unraveling. Often, individual therapy along with couples therapy can save marriages. But both parties must be willing to have insight and be held accountable for their behaviors.

Why Moving Out Is Not the Biggest Mistake in a Divorce

People often ask if they should move out of the marital home. Unfortunately, the internet keeps producing content explaining “why moving out is the biggest mistake in a divorce.” It’s not. If anything, the opposite may be true.

In cases involving domestic violence, moving out is the best thing you can do! Domestic abuse survivors need to protect themselves and their children when the divorce process begins. Abusers often escalate their behavior when they feel a loss of control, including when they are served divorce paperwork. Moving out is often the best way to keep everyone safe. An attorney can help you plan a mindful exit strategy including filing a petition for a Personal Protection Order (PPO), a complaint for divorce, and a request for temporary custody and parenting time at the same time.

Even in non-violent cases, moving out is still often in the best interests of the children. Kids whose parents separate early won’t be subjected to parental arguing or exposed to adult issues involved in divorce such as fault accusations or financial uncertainty. Kids of divorce are often worried about how their lives will change after the case is done. By separating early and establishing (and keeping) custody and parenting time patterns, you can reduce your children’s anxieties and help them better navigate divorce.

Avoid Fighting Over the Wrong Things

Often, parties come to their divorce attorneys with a list of “must have” outcomes. They may want to protect their retirement accounts, or ensure their children have no contact with an abusive parent. However, some demands are unlikely to happen in court, causing you to spend thousands of dollars on attorney fees for something the Family Court Judge won’t, or sometimes can’t order. You need to have an open conversation with your divorce attorney and listen to their advice about your “must have” items, so you choose the right place to draw your line in the sand.

Parties may also get fixated on specific wants or items that aren’t worth the cost of litigation. While there is non-monetary value in sentimental items, other issues, such as furniture, vehicles, or even some bonuses or commissions are simply not worth enough to file motions over. Be sure you consider the cost of buying a replacement before pushing your lawyer to fight over the wrong things.

Hiding Marital Assets is a Divorce Mistake to Avoid

Hiding marital assets is an unforced error that can cost you a lot of money. Unfortunately, some people believe that by transferring income or assets to an account in their name only, or “selling” them to a family member, they can shelter those assets from divorce. Michigan judges have the authority to divide everything either party earns or acquires during the marriage. They can even “invade” separate property owned by one party if doing so is necessary and fair. If the judge learns that you concealed marital assets – even after the judgment is entered – you could lose more than you would have if you had disclosed them in the first place. You may also be held in contempt, ordered to pay fines, and even go to jail for violating disclosure orders.

Falling Behind on Retainer Payments is a Common Divorce Mistake

You should also avoid falling behind on your retainer payments. Divorce can be expensive, especially if you are setting up a new household at the same time. However, if you aren’t paying your attorneys, they can’t do their work. As your retainer gets depleted, they may have to cut back on what they do for you. If you are unable to pay you should communicate with your attorney to make payment arrangements. Otherwise, your attorney may be forced to withdraw before a final mediation session or trial – just when you need them most.

Why Refusing to Settle May be a Mistake

Another common mistake Michigan divorce clients make is demanding their day in court. Michigan’s equitable property distribution laws, child support calculator, custody, parenting time and spousal support factors mean that experienced divorce attorneys can sometimes predict how a judge will rule in any particular case, but in the end, even experienced divorce lawyers do not have a crystal ball. If your lawyer is guaranteeing a particular result by going to trial, be wary. While there are reasons to go to trial to argue for a fair distribution and resolve difficult legal or factual issues, most cases end in settlement. A settlement agreement gives both parties more control over the outcome of the case, and takes into account practical realities like the parties’ work schedules or disposable income that the judge may not consider. Before you refuse to settle, consider the risks of a worse outcome, and what you may be giving up, by going to trial.

Don’t Stop Communicating with Your Attorney

Unfortunately, even a well-thought-out divorce can go off the rails if you and your attorney aren’t communicating. Often, discovery demands, settlement requests, and parenting time issues require prompt responses. If you avoid contacting your lawyer, you make your lawyer’s job harder, which is likely to end up costing you more in the end. And you could miss out on a favorable outcome, or end up violating a court order. Regular check-ins during the divorce process help you and your lawyer make sure everything is on track so you can resolve your marriage promptly without unexpected hiccups. The reverse is also true: your lawyer should be communicating with you. You have a right to know about settlement offers, orders issued by the court, and looming deadlines in a timely manner from your lawyer or their staff. It is not unusual for attorneys to be tied up in mediations, court, and client appointments, so establishing a relationship with their staff can be helpful in getting your questions answered sooner, and setting up time on their schedule to speak with them. Communication is a two-way street that is critical to a satisfactory experience during an often-stressful time.

At NSSSB, our Ann Arbor family law attorneys want to help you avoid making mistakes during divorce. We can help you understand the law, prioritize your goals, and negotiate a settlement that reflects your needs and your child’s best interests. Click here to schedule a consultation with one of our experienced attorneys.